If I Didn't Have You
by lovelyladylily22
Summary: ***Third in a set, please read Breathe Again and I Won't Give Up first*** After Buffy receives a wish from the Fate Lachesis, Tara is sent back to Earth. But she is disoriented and cannot remember anything. Can Willow coax the love of her life back from the beyond? Meanwhile, Buffy and Spike will deal with the aftermath of his question.
1. Chapter 1

(AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This is the third of a set. Please make sure you have read Breathe Again, and its sequel I Won't Give Up before reading this one and leaving reviews! Thanks so much! )

Willow was confused. Buffy seemed excited about something all the way back to the Watcher's Council compound. But try as she might, Willow couldn't get a straight answer out of her friend. But there was an awful lot of whispering going on between Buffy and Spike. A suspicious amount, actually. Now that she thought about it, they had disappeared suspiciously too.  
Xander had been right behind her, or so Willow had thought. When she turned around he was gone. Which, let's face it, was even weirder than Buffy and Spike disappearing on her. Sighing, Willow made her way to her quarters, feeling left out. It had been entirely too long since she had felt someone's arms around her.  
Things with Kennedy had started off great. But the deeper things got, the more Willow had pushed the younger Slayer away. If she were to be honest, it was all because of what had happened to Tara. Tara...just the thought of her name was enough to take Willow's breath away and nearly force the tears again. All her friends knew was that Tara's death had driven Willow dark. What they didn't know, what they couldn't know was the nightmares still came. Nearly every night.  
Willow sighed heavily again and sat on the edge of her bed. She leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. A moment later, she heard something. A soft noise, almost like a sighing. Her head lifted. She recognized something about it, but she couldn't put her finger on it...on what was making her heart race about the small, quiet noise.  
That was when she saw the light. A bright, blinding light shone from a spot in mid-air. A faint figure began to appear, growing more and more distinct. Finally, she recognized who it was. Tara stood before her, confusion evident, the light surrounding her in an almost angelic glow.  
"Tara?" Willow's voice shook with raw emotion. She stood up and moved closer, hand outstretched. She was afraid that the image standing in front of her was a mirage. Or worse, that Tara had somehow gotten stuck on Earth as a ghost. But when he hand touched Tara's wrist, Willow's wall of emotion broke. Tara flinched from the contact, and collapsed. Willow helped her over to the bed, where she covered Tara's shaking frame with a blanket. 


	2. Chapter 2

Spike knelt in front of her, a beautiful ring in a box held out to her. Buffy nodded, not trusting her voice. Spike stood up, and Buffy all but leapt into his arms, forgetting his injuries. In that moment, even he forgot his pain. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him as he kissed her gently.  
"So I take that as a yes?" Dawn asked. Buffy nodded ecstatically.  
"Yes! Of course, it's a yes." She grinned at her sister, then back at Spike.  
Spike beamed back at her. "Good. Because I honestly don't know what I would have done if you said know, pet."  
She grinned at him. "Well, guess you don't need to worry about that, huh?" She sighed. "Now comes the hard part." He looked at her with an eyebrow raised in a silent question. "Now, we get to tell the others..."  
Spike groaned, but squeezed her hand for a moment. Then, he slipped the ring onto her finger. "As long as we're together, it won't be too horrible, I suppose." He kissed her for a moment before they headed out into the hall.  
"Wonder if Will's found Tara yet?" Buffy bit her lip, realizing that Dawn hadn't known yet.  
"What? What are you talking about?" Dawn's voice became shrill.  
"Calm down, Dawn. First of all, I can't tell you how. But Tara was given back to us." Buffy looked up at Spike and grinned.  
"Maybe we should wait to find Willow, love. I'm sure she'll want to be alone with Tara for a bit. Remember what it was like when I came back?" Buffy nodded, smiling.  
"Good point. But we should still go find Giles. He deserves to know, Spike. Before anyone else can tell him." Spike rolled his eyes. "Look. I know you and him don't get along. But Spike, he's important to me. You both are." She sighed. "I'm not asking for the two of you to marry each other. Heck, I'm not asking the two of you to LIKE each other. All I'm asking is for you two to get along...to not kill each other."  
Spike smiled at her. "For you, pet? Anything." He squeezed her hand. "Let's go see him. They followed the halls of the compound until they came to Giles' study. He was inside, going over paperwork. Buffy and Spike sat down as he looked up, and they started talking.


	3. Chapter 3

Willow watched Tara sleep. Her mind was racing. This had to be a dream, right? People just didn't come back from the dead...especially not after a few years. So that meant...what? Someone did a spell like the one Willow had done to bring Buffy back? But that didn't make sense. She would have felt it if that amount of power was being used nearby. So how had Tara come back to her?  
Willow decided, as Tara started making soft noises in her sleep, that it really didn't matter how. All that mattered was that it had happened. She curled up beside Tara, wrapping her arms around her. Willow fell asleep quickly, the sound of Tara's even breathing like a lullaby to her.  
A few hours later, Willow woke up. Tara was watching her, almost curiously. Willow smiled and started to reach out to touch Tara's face, but Tara pulled away quickly.  
"Tara?" Willow's voice came out shaky, unsure. "What's wrong?" Tara looked at her puzzled, but didn't speak. "Tara? Baby?" When Willow said the second word, Tara broke into tears. Willow sat up, holding Tara close.  
Once she was asleep again, Willow stood up. She hated to leave Tara alone, but she knew something was wrong. She knew Tara needed help, help that Willow wasn't sure how to give. So, she set off for Giles' office.


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy was trying to diffuse the tension that was rising steadily between Spike and Giles. It didn't work, so Buffy decided that they needed to go look at the house Spike owned.  
His family home had been being rented out ever since his mother's death. The renters had kept it in good shape, but the last family that had rented it had moved out a few years back. The house needed a bit of work. But all things considered, it was in excellent shape for a house of its age.  
Spike hesitated, realizing he hadn't been in the house since the day his mother...well, he hadn't been in the house for a very long time. But Buffy and Dawn were so eager to see the house, for him to give them the tour.  
So, he shook the memory off, pushed away the emotions, and started towards the house with the girls. They spent the rest of the day figuring out what needed to be done to the house before they moved into it. By the time they were done, the sun was starting to set.  
Buffy was planning on going on patrol with some of the Newbies that needed training that night, so they returned to the compound so she could change. But as soon as they saw Willow, she decided to stay.


	5. Chapter 5

The healers were in with Tara, and Willow paced the hallway anxiously. Thoughts swirled in her mind. Had Tara been trapped in a Hell dimension? The very thought of that made Willow's chest ache. She couldn't see that happening. But Tara was so disoriented. A memory flashed in Willow's mind of the night Buffy had come back.  
Buffy had seemed strange. Now, of course, Willow knew that Buffy had been in Heaven, and that they had pulled her out of there. So possibly, that was what was wrong with Tara? But why would Buffy, of all people, be happy then?  
When Buffy found her, Willow was curled up in the hallway, her back resting against the wall. Without saying anything, Buffy sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around her. Willow cried for a little while, letting every emotion she had been fighting to hide for so long pour out. When she had emptied herself of the pent up sadness, she decided to ask Buffy about what it had been like.  
"Well, you have to remember that I had dug myself out of my own grave. When I was out, I just felt so confused by everything. And then, I saw Glory's tower. It was the only thing that connected in my brain. That's where Dawny found me." She sighed, shaking her head. "It was even worse for Angel. Of course, he had been in a hell dimension for at least a hundred years."  
Willow nodded. "I don't know what is wrong. Or how to help her, Buffy. But this just isn't right. I didn't bring her back. I swear. I wished it...often actually. Especially when things went wrong between Kennedy and I. But I swear..." Buffy held up her hand.  
"Will, relax. I have it on good authority that Tara was returned to us because she was taken too soon, that her fate was altered. Her coming back was a reward. All right? I promise you, she'll be okay. Maybe not right away, but soon, she'll be back to her old self." Buffy squeezed her friend's hand.  
Willow nodded and stood up. "Thanks Buff. I should probably get back in to her." Buffy nodded, and Willow held out a hand as she stood up. As she did, Willow noticed the ring on Buffy's finger. "What's this?" Willow grinned at Buffy.  
"Someone has some 'splaining to do, missy!"  
Buffy bit her lip. "Yeah...Spike sort of asked me to marry him. And since this time, we aren't under any spells, and we're both human and all, I said yes. We were just at the house he lived in as a child. We're going to fix it up and live in it." Buffy couldn't help but smile as she told Willow her big news.  
Willow grinned for a moment before hugging her again. "I'm so happy for you, Buff. If you need my help, please let me know. Just please, no radioactive green bridesmaid dresses? I love you, sweetie, but I so cannot pull that off." Willow grinned and headed back into the room. Buffy headed to talk to Giles again.


	6. Chapter 6

Tara opened her eyes, blinking against the light. She'd have to let her eyes adjust again. She was in the strange room again. Still, being somewhere strange was better than where she had been. The unending darkness, the stillness. It had all been too much. But on top of that, something was moving, something she could never quite see but could sense.  
She had been stuck, in between. It had felt like she had been there for eternity. And then, in a flash of light, she had found herself...wherever she was now. Her brain felt foggy, and she tried to make it work. But it was almost like she had become unattached to her body.  
Three women stood over her, and Tara recognized the healing energy swirling in eddies around them. She lifted her head slightly and saw Willow standing in the doorway. Willow...thinking of the red-haired girl's name filled her with a sense of joy. One Tara hadn't felt in so long. She watched, unable to make her body move, as Willow came over and sat down beside her.  
"How's the healing going?" Willow asked the others. They spoke in hushed tones, but Tara wasn't paying attention to them, so she didn't hear anything they said. Instead, she was watching Willow. She had changed. The differences were subtle, but they were there. Something about the way Willow held herself was so very different.  
As she spoke to the other witches, Willow softly touched Tara's hair. She stroked the strands, smiling slightly. Tara closed her eyes, content as long as Willow was nearby..  
Willow talked some more, but Tara closed her eyes, basking in a wave of happiness. She fell asleep, a small smile on her face.


	7. Chapter 7

Buffy met with Giles and explained the new developments. "Look, Buffy. It isn't as though I am not happy to see you living your life. Trust me, I am. But I wanted so much more for you than Spike can offer you. Even if he is human now. The truth is, I had hoped you would find someone like...well, like Xander. Who could understand your world, but not be a…"  
Buffy glared at him. "We've been through this, Giles. Spike has killed before. That is true. But he has spent so much of the past few years repenting for that. He's not always…" She grinned to herself. "He's not always the brightest, especially when it comes to anything even remotely involving me or Dawn. But he IS a good man. He's trying to win your approval. He'd never admit that, even to me. But he knows how much your opinion matters to me. I don't care, though, that you hate him for what he did in the past. I see him as he is now. As the man he's become. And Giles, that's what matters. Aren't you the one who keeps reminding me about how far Faith has come?"  
Giles sighed, and took off his glasses. "I'm not actually agreeing with you, but you just might have a point. The truth is, he has been...helpful in the past. And he does do everything in his power to protect you and Dawn. But the good doesn't outweigh all the bad he's done." He sighed heavily. "Still, I can clearly see that I will not be able to talk you out of the path you have chosen. And the truth is, if I was able to, you wouldn't be yourself. So, I will do my best to keep my opinions to myself in the future."  
She smiled softly. "Thank you. So anyway, Spike and I will only need to stay here a few weeks more. Just until we can get the house straightened out." Giles smiled back at her. He couldn't help but see the young girl she had been when they had first met.  
"You and Spike are welcome in the compound as long as you need. This will always be your home, if you should need it." He stood up and walked around the desk toward her. He held out his arms, and pulled her into a hug, something that he rarely ever did. "We will make it work."  
Buffy nodded and stepped away. "About the whole Tara thing, I knew she was being brought back." She held up a hand. "Please don't ask me to explain how. It would pretty much ruin everything."  
Giles nodded in understanding. "Okay, I won't ask. But if you knew, why didn't you warn us?"  
"Because I wasn't sure just what would happen. All I was told was not to talk about how Tara came back.. But Willow said she's disoriented. Is there any way we can help? I mean, I know how hard it is adjusting. Heck, it took me a long time to readjust, and I wasn't gone nearly that long. But maybe we could do something to help?" Giles smiled at her.  
"I have a few people on it, but I think the best thing for her is to reconnect with her friends. You all became her family.. Maybe if she spends enough time around you and the others, it'll bring her out again. Which reminds me. Xander phoned. He is on his way to the compound with Faith. They're bringing in a girl who was a bit like Dana. Though, from the descriptions, she's not quite as bad."  
Buffy nodded. "Think we can help her?" Giles sighed and walked to sit back at the desk.  
"I hope we can. But until she is here, I won't know." Giles looked up at her. "Until then, we'll just have to wait, I'm afraid." Buffy nodded and stood up.  
"Okay! Let me know if there's anything you need for me to do." She smiled at him as she headed back to her room, where Spike was waiting for her.


	8. Chapter 8

When Tara woke up, she was wrapped in Willow's arms. Willow was sound asleep. Tara's mind felt a bit clearer, so she disentangled herself and headed out to explore the compound.  
She didn't know where they were, exactly, but she was pretty sure they weren't in Sunnydale. She came to a room where girls were practicing fighting.  
"The Slayers are something, aren't they?" A voice spoke from behind her. She turned and found Spike watching her. She felt a small smile creep across her features.  
"Spike?" Again, she saw something very different, but with Spike, it was more obvious what the difference was. He was human. "When did this happen?" She looked him up and down, hoping he'd get what she meant.  
"Very recently. Red said you were out of it, but you seem better." Tara nodded.  
"I just sort of...woke up. Hang on, did you say Slayers? As in...ALL of them? How does that work?" She turned back to the girls in the room.  
"Red and Buffy, they did a spell...well, to explain I guess I'd have to go back further, though." Tara shook her head.  
"I don't understand...Willow said she was better. That she had stopped using the magic." Tara shook her head, confused.  
"That was years ago. After Warren killed you, Red went nuts. She destroyed the Watcher's shop, killed Warren, and very nearly ended the entire world. If it hadn't been for Xander, she would have. Afterwards, she came to London with Giles and studied how to control it." They started walking.  
"So this is London then?" Tara looked around. "It looks a lot like how Willow described the Initiative tunnels."  
Spike smiled. "Well, after the spell, they needed somewhere safe for the girls to train. But that's getting ahead of myself. See, after Red left, a big nasty known as the First came after Buffy and was killing the Potential Slayers off one by one. So Buffy and Red decided that the only way to fight it was to turn all of the Potentials worldwide into full-blown Slayers. It was a bloody brilliant idea. And it worked. But the First still had them beat." He shook his head at the memory.  
"So how did you all make it out of there?" Tara had noticed that Spike had stopped walking.  
"We...we didn't all make it out. Angel brought a bauble, an amulet that had been sent to him that would save the world. It had to be worn by a vampire with a soul. A champion. And...well, I had gone to get mine around the time Red went dark. So I wore it into the fight." He shuddered at the memory.  
"When the fighting had gotten especially bad, I started feeling an odd burning sensation. The amulet burned me from the inside out, and took the Hellmouth with me. Sunnydale is nothing but a crater now."  
Tara studied his face, convinced briefly that he had to be joking. But she saw the seriousness in his eyes. "Okay, how did you get back?"  
"Well, it turned out that Captain Forehead was being used by the law firm Wolfram and Hart. My...soul got trapped in the amulet. When I was finally freed, I was incorporeal for a few months."  
Tara burst into a fit of giggles at a mental image of Spike walking through walls. It took her a few minutes of him glaring ferociously at him before she stopped. "If looks could kill...okay, go on."  
"As I was saying." They started walking again. "I teamed up with the big Poof for a while. We fought another apocalypse, and survived. He had been in line for a prophecy, but he signed his chance away. And for some reason, the Powers that Be deemed me fit to receive it. So I'm human now. Which has been...an adjustment to put it mildly." They came to Buffy's room. "Look, everyone is really happy you're back. I know you might feel lost. But maybe jumping back in will help? And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here." He smiled at her before waving and slipping back into Buffy's room.  
Tara shrugged, still feeling utterly confused. She decided to make her way back to Willow's room, and found the red-haired witch absolutely distraught.  
"Tara! I was so...I thought...Oh. You're up?" Willow studied Tara's face.  
"I am." Willow threw herself at Tara, sobbing as Tara held her. They moved back to the bed, and spent several hours reconnecting, undisturbed by the others.


End file.
